Enikkum vennam oru ...To-do list

Its nothing like riding  high on an emotional tide... so as life takes an aimless turn, here is my to do list before I forget.....

noting it as it comes, the sequence is insignificant..

1.travel to different parts of the world.
2.to have a job, which is not tiring.
3.to watch a World cup football match  in the stadium after being partially drunk.
4.to direct a movie/ make a movie.
5.to become a member of Lok Sabha.
6.educate an orphan
7.If still alive at 65, friends get-together  at Goa- get drunk with Vivek,Varun,Harky,Tedy,Thadiyan and Hari.

Get well soon...

bye.

Bring it On.

Ten days left for mains exam.

For the last few days, all I have been doing is reading, reading, and hmm... reading.

Obviously tired.

Things have clearly not worked for me, but, am I to bog down to circumstances and cry.

Definitely not, I am looking forward to my first mains experience.

It would invariably give a first hand opinion of what this BULL is all about.

As said in Gita :" detach yourself from results, do your part rest would follow".

Buddha said: " don't have desire for its the root cause of all sufferings"

As another day comes to an end, I have no regrets of decisions I have taken.

Ready to take the bull my its horn. Bring it on. 

Rest In Peace-my dear Sir.

Its only a week that I took to studies.

Today, enthusiastically, I clicked on my browser link to Raman's Blog.

As I had not visited his site after my prelims exam I was completely  oblivious to the happenings on IR.

My perspectives on India's foreign policy was shaped by Raman sirs analysis on IR events.

As I read the latest blog, I observed it was quite old.

He was a person who used to write on daily basis on current developments.

As I read further into the comments section.

I was Shell-Shocked!!!!

B.Ram had expired on June 16th.He succumbed to Cancer, of which, and unlikely of most men, he had written profusely about.

He kept everyone updated on the lasted on his treatments and on doctor's note & advice.

However, I never thought his demise would be so soon.

I had largely relied on his blogs for insights into International Issues affecting India.Moreover, over the years I I found that he was so committed to the work, that I admired him a lot.

I felt I was personally attached to him.

It is a great loss.
Rest in Peace- Country Salutes you sir.

JAI HIND.

 

Football &my life

It was only at college that I started watching Football.Ever since then, I reckon my knowledge of the game has improved.

It was EPL that most of them at college followed and I too was sucked into this whirlpool of sporting madness.

Initially, my observation was the team with excellent strikers would win the match.I always analyed matches through this framework and would predict results & argue with this myopic game view.

After few years I understood it is equally important for a team to have quality defenders as good strikers.
So  my attention also engulfed how a team performed defensively.I would ponder over formations at  the back and how defenders organised themselves.

It was a delight to see  Right Back and Left back charge through the wings to provide that extra width to the attack.

At this point of time, my knowledge of midfielders were awful.I found them an unwanted groups of guys running around on the field.

Over the years, after watching quantifiable number of games, I was, sought of enlightened-actually, Midfielders are GODS on the ground.

The create, distribute, score and are the real gladiators on the field.My admiration for them grew exponentially.

With time, Strategies, formations and mind games started to give me that extra kick.

Build up to matches were as interesting as the match itself and it extended my exuberance for the game beyond 90 mins.

Things have changed a bit now.With more priorities of life taking my time, I find it difficult to keep track of the games new intricacies & happenings.Nevertheless, Chelsea continue to be the team I support & try to keep updated.

And, life goes on so does football.Don't know when the my 90 mins gets over.

Life Goes On- July 2013

A few months back I wondered, how would life be a few months later- answer is : it goes on.Sometimes you are over cautious about life(looking forward) but it feels so relaxed looking backwards.

My sister's marriage  engagement function was on 5th july.

It went well.Fortunately, it did not rain that day.

Unlike me, Alliyan is calm and composed & befits my sister in all aspect.

Really happy for my sister and hope god  gives her all happiness in Life.

The function was held at our house. My entire time, after prelims exam was consumed in the preparation process.

Initially, felt guilty for not studying for the mains but then it was my responsibility to get this done in the best possible way- after all she is my sister.

Now, for the marriage - is on 29th August at Chottanikkara Temple.

With God's blessing, hope everything goes as planned.

Also, have to say, my experience in the last few months have changed my perspective on the society we live in a profound way.

Firstly, when it comes to personal(marriage) relationships, ours is a staunch Caste based society.A scheduled caste is a scheduled caste,a Dalit is a Dalit, conjugal untouchability is hidden in our inner consciousness.

Secondly, Money matters.Dowry is a subjective reality of this objective world.

Lastly, Friendship relationships are woven on inexplicable life situations.A true friend is a utopia.

Being rational is better than being emotional & compassionate.

I would have learned nothing if I stayed at Reliance as Corporate life is a false world surrounded by people who adorn plastic smiles & opportunistic hand shakes.

I was extremely sad when when my dear friend did not call me ever since I resigned from work, not even for his engagement or for his marriage.

While I was staying at Karol Bagh, how much I wished someone had to come to my place.I am greatly thankful to (Ankit,Varun,tedy...), for when they did come, they just lit up my life.To be frank I was obsessed with my preparation, even wasting a single minute was a crime for me then.So, I did not venture out, even to Tedy's house- irrespective of their repeatedly calling me.However, went to see Hari when he came to Gurgaon after his infamous Shimla trip.

I sound childish, is'nt it??? Its Loneliness ...

But then, having such close friendship wasn't it my simple duty to attend his marriage? Was it my ego??

No.Its difficult to explain and moreover, it would be unfathomable for someone without experiencing/knowing   my solitude life experiences (ever since I started preparing for UPSC exam) and familial difficulties I went through to think otherwise.

 And I accept it, it was a long journey & it sill is, and I wanted some support, how much I wished I had someone to talk, especially when I did not clear prelims.Later, I got to know I missed cutoff by 1 mark!!!

Need to stop.

Bye for now my Diary, for sometimes I love your materialistic nonexistence and idealistic permanence ever since I starting scribbling here.

May 17,2013

Why should I do it?

It is very important to ask this question before we embark on a task.It is equally pertinent to have a clear cut answer on our mind (for this question), as it will be the guiding force, without which we might not complete the task at hand.

Often we see that we get lost in between and we struggle to make sense of the present and future.This is nothing but our inability to find a credible answer to this million dollar question. 

So, before you do anything do ask yourself " why should I do it" ?.
 

13th April 2013

I never thought I would get this far.

But, when I look around I know life is not so happy.Things around keep changing drastically, posing new difficulties.Most often you are pushed and pulled by those complex unfathomable social forces.And, then when you wade through all those hardships, you relish the sigh of relief.

So, today its just another of those moments in life.

And, also I should confess that I have made harmony with this solitude life.I feel immensely rejuvenated as silence embrace me with an inexplicable aura. This silence which is profoundly within me, makes me realize that Happiness is within me not outside.

And it rained.

Its been so long that it rained here.And when it did, its with a bang.When those huge droplets touches the virgin earth, it gives out an rustic aroma.It feel like rain god has blessed the mother earth and the lesser mortal like us.

I stood on the veranda as it rained heavily.I enjoyed every bit of it.

It fills me with inexplicable happiness.Something, which was lost in time.

its all about being in love and being loved.

One should be fortunate to have someone who loves you sincerely.

I am very happy for my friend, Varun, who have found his life partner.I wish him all happiness in days to come.

Happiness

Ankit gave me a call today, and I was surprised to hear his voice for it was so long that we spoke.It took some time, for reality to sink in.We were fast friends in college and throughout our time in Reliance, we shared similar life experiences & kept  good relationship.It wouldn't be wrong if I say he was my best friend. Later, he took to pursue his MBA and I to Civil Service preparation.And my self imposed solitary life changed things  around.I have only myself to blame for not keeping in touch with my friends.

However, after hearing from him my happiness had no leaps and bounds.Suddenly, I wished I was back in BIT Mesra, hostel 5B, where we had shared neighboring rooms.Those movies, early walks to college, talks- chit chats ..entire gamut of activities. all seems as if, it just happened yesterday.

Hope to seen him when he comes back to India.