Life Goes On- July 2013

A few months back I wondered, how would life be a few months later- answer is : it goes on.Sometimes you are over cautious about life(looking forward) but it feels so relaxed looking backwards.

My sister's marriage  engagement function was on 5th july.

It went well.Fortunately, it did not rain that day.

Unlike me, Alliyan is calm and composed & befits my sister in all aspect.

Really happy for my sister and hope god  gives her all happiness in Life.

The function was held at our house. My entire time, after prelims exam was consumed in the preparation process.

Initially, felt guilty for not studying for the mains but then it was my responsibility to get this done in the best possible way- after all she is my sister.

Now, for the marriage - is on 29th August at Chottanikkara Temple.

With God's blessing, hope everything goes as planned.

Also, have to say, my experience in the last few months have changed my perspective on the society we live in a profound way.

Firstly, when it comes to personal(marriage) relationships, ours is a staunch Caste based society.A scheduled caste is a scheduled caste,a Dalit is a Dalit, conjugal untouchability is hidden in our inner consciousness.

Secondly, Money matters.Dowry is a subjective reality of this objective world.

Lastly, Friendship relationships are woven on inexplicable life situations.A true friend is a utopia.

Being rational is better than being emotional & compassionate.

I would have learned nothing if I stayed at Reliance as Corporate life is a false world surrounded by people who adorn plastic smiles & opportunistic hand shakes.

I was extremely sad when when my dear friend did not call me ever since I resigned from work, not even for his engagement or for his marriage.

While I was staying at Karol Bagh, how much I wished someone had to come to my place.I am greatly thankful to (Ankit,Varun,tedy...), for when they did come, they just lit up my life.To be frank I was obsessed with my preparation, even wasting a single minute was a crime for me then.So, I did not venture out, even to Tedy's house- irrespective of their repeatedly calling me.However, went to see Hari when he came to Gurgaon after his infamous Shimla trip.

I sound childish, is'nt it??? Its Loneliness ...

But then, having such close friendship wasn't it my simple duty to attend his marriage? Was it my ego??

No.Its difficult to explain and moreover, it would be unfathomable for someone without experiencing/knowing   my solitude life experiences (ever since I started preparing for UPSC exam) and familial difficulties I went through to think otherwise.

 And I accept it, it was a long journey & it sill is, and I wanted some support, how much I wished I had someone to talk, especially when I did not clear prelims.Later, I got to know I missed cutoff by 1 mark!!!

Need to stop.

Bye for now my Diary, for sometimes I love your materialistic nonexistence and idealistic permanence ever since I starting scribbling here.