Tuesday, May 31, 2011

TIME OUT!

Just typed in my last status update on FB and it will remain the same for some time.

Need to clear this mess that I’m into.

This untimely Transfer to Mumbai has to be sorted out urgently.

If the company really wants me in Mumbai, it has to resolve all my concerns immediately. HR by not doing so is wasting my time which is invaluable and also company’s.

Made a bad move; threatening the HR at this PMS-juncture.

Definitely does not augur well.

Anyways, everything that happened is hopefully for good.

Also, need to clear my mind on whether to continue to work or go for Civil Service preparation.

This is when you really miss someone in life.

Changing Times.

Till few weeks back, there would always be a barrage of mails waiting in my inbox to be read. If I failed to check and archive these mails(every 2-3 hrs), the system hurled “quota Warning Messages”. And further my boss would shout at me “jagadish clean your mail box”.

Things have changed contrastingly. I received only ‘1’ mail yesterday that too some generic message sent by HR.

I reckon Harminder Mohan our Corporate HR is busy with the PMS and have forgotten my case. That means I’m lost. And indefinitely I’m stuck here.

Well, Facebook is no more interesting. Its Fizz is gone.

Gleefully jobless on job but then there is a genuine feeling of anxiety. It looks like I’m losing this job.

Tellingly, I have found that almost all my colleagues are on FB all the time. I had considered these people to be laborious sincere workers; it was just foolishness to think so.

People here keep staring at the screen so religiously. All work they do is up-date their status on FB or hit few likes or ogle at some random girl’s photograph.

Also, came to know that some guys have started a group to discuss about few left over girls in our company and other office politics. Desperate cracks.

Existence of this company is miracle to me now. Needless to say, it is time to move on and to find another job.

Between Kataria Sir expired today. He succumbed to a stroke. This news was a shock to me. However, matter of life & death is beyond our control. I express my solemn condolences.

Well, I am scared of death, hope it invades me unknowingly.

That’s for today and tomorrow planning to bunk office; kind of. Kung Fu Panda in 3D is pending to be watched.

YAWN…bye.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Initial impression- a Weekend in Gurgaon.

I woke up around 7 in the morning, felt ecstasy. It gave me a feeling, the one I had when I slept off for 18hrs continuously; lazy college days.

As I peeped through the window to get a glimpse of a typical hot Sunday morning in Gurgaon, Harky woke up and appreciated the fine Absolute Vodka we had last night.

Had to agree with him for it was the most refined Vodka I ever had. It gave a progressive kick and took me to nirvana though can’t remember anything.

Last thing I remember was we were chatting with Varun. Tedy was checking out Ganguly’s photo album on facebook. I slightly do remember vivek watching the football match in the other room and Harky sleeping (OUT OUT)- Aanamayaki.

Apart from this I don’t recollect anything.

I strolled into the other room. Tedy and vivek were still sleeping.

Pavam, tedy might have gotten an unbearable kick on a single breezer- no joking possible with tedy. Anywhere else in the world esp in LDC‘s, if you force a breezer into a tedy-like body United Nations organization would sue you for a spate of human rights violation.

Vivek was sleeping with a smile. That does not augur well.

I made some quick prayers to all the known gods-Lord Shiva first on list- Destruction seeked– Man Utd-Destruction seeked- Man Utd. Devamme please don’t tell me that Man Utd had won the match last night.

If that happens, then I can’t use FB for another week as yesterday I took a dig on all the Manu fans on the FB which obviously pissed off vivek.

Suddenly, I heard hysterical mooing sound from the kitchen. My hunches told me- its ok, it’s Harky.

Tedy woke up, splashing some profound Malayalam abusive words on me.

The next few sentences he said threw all my senses into a reality ridden emotional whirlpool. I was startled at few of the revelation but found redemption in the fact that Tedy always exaggerates and he takes advantage of one’s drunk state.

But, then I could not re-collect Nikita/ Guneet /Guneet’s sister/ Gangulys/ Barca/ shouting/ Chatting/ typing- I LOVE U/ biting tedy’s hand etc..etc ..

These challenged my memory and my Moral character. Both are indispensible qualities required for Civil Servants.

I need to see the Chat history to understand what happened. Its urgent; I galloped to the other room and grabbed the laptop.

As the lappy loaded windows, I asked tedy who the hell is guneet??

Tedy retorted Da, shavame Gyani.

I did not have any other option, so I admitted to his stories making a mental note that if anything turns incorrect would blast off tedy.

The next half an hour in my life was kind of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

This is unprecedented, for the first time tedy was correct 99%.This efficiency cannot match a person who designed a 5 mm dia shaft for some heavy vehicle for one of his mechanical papers. The Prof (paper checker) had escaped this Stroke-hidden-blooper bomb that tedy threw at him for there was no condolences for few months that followed.

Hmm.. Guneet’s sister did not figure in ‘the' chat conversation that happened and accounted for the 1% error- or the artificial inflation tedy contributed for.

I felt really bad that I chatted with some girl using tedy’s Gmail Account till 4 in the morning. That means I slept only for 3 hrs. JUST 3 HRS!

My “INITIAL IMPRESSION” was shattered completely. I have messed up things BIG time last night.

My head had started becoming heavier and drowsiness caught me.But, each line tedy read out on the chat history brought me back to reality.

Sad, I had also told her about myself getting transfered to Mumbai(hmm..I wrote Mumbai properly after three laborious attempts) and my ongoing impasse with HR.

I told her that Harky was drunk and was sleeping.

Respect/ Philsociology/ Varun/ Barca/ vivek/ sreekanth/luka chupi/ A.Ganguly/ shoe making company/ Barclay/ coal India limited/ mesmerizing saree/ blah blah……………….. Gleamed our conversation.

Vivek had woken up by now and laughing his lungs out.

Harky spewed some more abuses on me, mainly because I told her that he was drunk and out. Hehe.. sorry Harky I understand; letting any girl know of your impotency of consuming alcohol beyond 4 pegs & being awake is devastating especially when she happens to be your former college-class mate.

For the next few minutes I took long breaths to ease out the abashment. YOGA works.

I took solace in the fact that I kept the conversation to a good level of decency. She never was irritated or did abusive me.

Later, saw Hangover part 1. Had roti and butter chicken curry that we bought for last night. No one had eaten food last night.
This re-iterates the fact that tedy was drunk & OUT on a single breezer.

And, forgot to tell you; BARCA WON.


May be that’s the reason Vivek abstained from food last night.

Tedy told me later that I screamed at top of my voice when Barca scored. There was fear that house owner- he stays down stairs would reprimand us today. Though, did not happen, nice.

I logged on to FB to check if any Man Utd fans were online.As expected all had gone into hiding- HAHAHA.

Interestingly, I had made a status update on FB after the last night match.Varun and kannan had comment on it, of which Varun's comment hurted vivek inherently.

Varun Had written:

Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.!!!!

Vivek did not talk to anyone for 10 mins.It was only when harky entered the room and became scapegoat for some random discussion-criticism that vivek said something. Thank god, he spoke.I have heard stories of people losing their ability to speak on hearing unbearable heart breaking news..

I tried sleeping after food, it did not happen. Tedy persuaded me to watch CO(I think it is spelled so).It was a good tamil movie, though can’t recollect most of it as my head was spinning most of the time.

Meanwhile, Harky gulped down his daily dose of WHEY Protein and went to GYM.

After the Movie, I tried to catch some sleep but could not.

It was a terrible feeling. I was damn tried & wanted to sleep but sleep was evading me.

Harky returned to give us some Gyaan on the need for physical activities in our life. His Muscles were inflated now and speaking the tormenting story of pushing its limits for unproductive gains.

And, in some time he left for office letting us know of some cant-keep-away sort of work. As the part of Business expansion of Maruti, is augmenting its internet lease lines. Very important for the fact that Suzuki rules Maruti now and connectivity with their office in Japan is vital

Good thing: Maruti is expanding. So more jobs and it invigorates the economy.

After the movie, I again tried to sleep but to vain. Vivek had a sound sleep as we watched CO.

Throughout the day, we did not do anything and lay lethargic on the Un-cozy bed watching some youtube videos, old Malayalam comedies- evergreen, listening to some songs.

I did also upload my CV on naukri.com. Hope some company gives me interview call.

Left Gurgaon by 8 after having Dosa from the market place nearby

Reached back home by 10:00.

Hit the bed (cozy) in no time only to be woken up by dobby at 8 in the morning.

Feels good now, its almost back to normal senses.

Checked out my Inbox, Harminder Mohan of HR has not sent me any clarification mail till now. Need to sent reminder number 2.

Professionally my life has come to a standstill. Personally I am letting it flow like an unexplored river.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Random..

Don’t be surprised if I tell you that the whole day I was in Office and on facebook(pls don’t ask me which company I work for).

I’m kind of being addicted to Facebook now. Professionally does not augur well for me.

Today, did not make new acquaintances but refreshed many.

It was quite a revelation, to know that most of my friends are either studying or working abroad.Its not that I can ask for help, by forwarding my CV but it genuinely feels good when you know that your friends are working for Barclays, Microsoft & Google..etc

Well, coming back, pissed off Vivek on Man U and otherwise had a harmonious day on FB.

Tomorrow – no office that means no access to net and so, no FB.

Time 6:20 PM, Saturday evening, freaking, the office is almost empty.

It looks scary from my cubicle, as I see no one around; it’s deserted- never noticed before.

I could hear noises that AC make while they work. Normally, these noises get drowned in din of the woking day.

Need to leave ,Good night to myself.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Quater life Crisis

This blog is intriguingly dedicated to me. I know if I want to see a guy who has absolutely no aim in life, all I need to do is look into the mirror.

Sad, though, is the truth. The other day I was letting my friend know that I really can’t find happiness in my life; he taunted me, for he always found me as a convoluted confused person. To overcome my lassitude I wrote a poem (LOST) to find no respite.

I reckon, I have rammed into a tall, dead- end wall. Collided head-on and fallen flat down on the ground. Subsequently, I have woken up to this moment where I have lost the fizz of life. Life looks so pale. My lungs refuses to breath otherwise it bribes me to breath this lonely monotonous insipid life.

I really can’t find what in life that I am looking for. What will quench my thirst? Lost, completely lost in this complex equation called life.

How on earth can someone become so blank? How can one run out of thoughts and everyday thinking? How can one just not socialize and hide oneself in that single room of his? How can one just defy his inner instincts?

On a war footing I need to find answers to these questions or else I would slip into an incurable depression.

My mind is so whimsical; it wobbles like a pendulum. IAS and CAT are at the two extremes. My current job is in the mid way, somewhere in the mean position. I need to stop this life choking dynamism of my mind.

To clear Civil Service I need to put in at-least a year’s hard work (humongous task- no joke).It certainly demands a full time preparation. For that I need to leave my Job. My financial and family scenario is so unfavorable that if I quit my job, it is like committing suicide. Even a naïve kid would refuse to do this (if he was in my place).

And CAT- MBA is for quick brains. This sluggish brain would take decades to compete. But, then there is a dormant zeal for MBA somewhere in me.

Tellingly, I don’t know what to go for.what to look for.Lack the clarity of thought & vision.

May be this is what some thinker’s call the “quarter life crisis”.

Time is running out, need to find a solution.

Lost

I had found it..
While I was a kid..
A profusion of it..
As I played cricket..
Harboring a naïve mind....

Hitting sixes…
Over the wall..
Smashing fours..
Beyond my pals..
Missing a match..
Seemed a crime..
I played like a fool..
Till skin turned black..
Till darkness..
Drowned the fields..
Till crickets..
Booed us home..
But believe me..
It was for you..
And only for you
I played so long…

But then..
I lost you…
As I packed my kit..
Threw it under my cot..
I took to studies..
In BIT Mesra..
Unscripted days..
Never found you..
Then little by little..
Like a lethargic breeze…
You loomed in her..
I found you again…
You filled me again..
With profound pep..
It seemed life again....
Animated and real..
I had a grin..
I had an aim..
I had you…
And had all..

But then..
I lost you again..
For dogmatic societal rules..
Vexed customs trolled..
Caste stood tall..
Birth valued more..
Lucre spoke loud..
Doused me with hate..
Shrouded me in fear..
Lineage mattered a lot..
I was shattered like a pot..
I decried life…
I let her go..
And lost you again..

And now..
Grouping for you..
In the darkness of sorrow..
Adorned with hallucination..
Nothing is real..
You still evade me..
In your pursuit
I lost my way..
I sought you in my job..
I sought you in wine..
In mountains..
In valleys..
In laughter..
In forlornness..
In silence..
But then..
I never had you again..

I see you now..
In the abode of god..
Day would come..
When you would..
Fill me again..
With a subtle smile..
With a virgin thought..
And this time...
It will be only you and me..

Friday, May 20, 2011

An ode to my friends..

Ain’t couldn’t fathom..
Not the incessant urge to study..
But blind belief to learn abroad..
Some say for passion..
Some for fashion..
Some for position..
And forget the premonition..
They fly west..
Yearning blissfulness..
Where People…
Cry joblessness..
And meet abjectness..
They treat you second citizen..
Abuse and oppress you...
See u like a parasite..
Stealing their job…
Drowning their economy..
New Australia in making everywhere..
The storm is coming…
You may not dodge the inevitable..
But you still prefer a foreign land…
Even if u r penniless…
I pity those..
Who denounce our land..
For the luxuries of the west..