Lost

I had found it..
While I was a kid..
A profusion of it..
As I played cricket..
Harboring a naïve mind....

Hitting sixes…
Over the wall..
Smashing fours..
Beyond my pals..
Missing a match..
Seemed a crime..
I played like a fool..
Till skin turned black..
Till darkness..
Drowned the fields..
Till crickets..
Booed us home..
But believe me..
It was for you..
And only for you
I played so long…

But then..
I lost you…
As I packed my kit..
Threw it under my cot..
I took to studies..
In BIT Mesra..
Unscripted days..
Never found you..
Then little by little..
Like a lethargic breeze…
You loomed in her..
I found you again…
You filled me again..
With profound pep..
It seemed life again....
Animated and real..
I had a grin..
I had an aim..
I had you…
And had all..

But then..
I lost you again..
For dogmatic societal rules..
Vexed customs trolled..
Caste stood tall..
Birth valued more..
Lucre spoke loud..
Doused me with hate..
Shrouded me in fear..
Lineage mattered a lot..
I was shattered like a pot..
I decried life…
I let her go..
And lost you again..

And now..
Grouping for you..
In the darkness of sorrow..
Adorned with hallucination..
Nothing is real..
You still evade me..
In your pursuit
I lost my way..
I sought you in my job..
I sought you in wine..
In mountains..
In valleys..
In laughter..
In forlornness..
In silence..
But then..
I never had you again..

I see you now..
In the abode of god..
Day would come..
When you would..
Fill me again..
With a subtle smile..
With a virgin thought..
And this time...
It will be only you and me..